Saturday, May 3, 2008

Stupid Stuff for Stupid Voters

From Daily Kos
Every freakin' election cycle, voters bemoan the fact that the media focuses on the stupid stuff instead of policy issues. And yet during primary season, voters quickly suck up declarations that the policy differences between the most viable (a combination of name recognition, charisma and cash) candidates are slim to none which leaves on the the stupid stuff to talk about. When the general election rolls around, the policy differences are sufficiently blunted that once again, there’s not enough there there to bother with. Therefore, it’s the stupid stuff that matters.

In 2000 the final difference between Bush and Gore was that the former would send all taxpayers a check for a few hundred bucks and Gore wouldn’t. And Gore was a liar and Bush was the guy you’d want to have a beer with. What was the difference between Kerry and Bush? An elite old rich guy vs. an ordinary old rich guy. What would a Clinton vs. McCain general election come down to? Nothing more than higher taxes vs. lower taxes. And maybe more war vs. a lot more war.

A Clinton promised to fix healthcare in America sixteen years ago and once in office did NOTHING about it. Only an idiot would fall for that a second time. She may be willing to throw the kitchen sink at Obama, but she’s so far up the ass of the health insurance companies that she’s not about to rock their golden boat. And anyone that thinks health insurance companies are the solution to the problem is an idiot. She may not like the occupation of Iraq as much as McCain does, but the first woman president isn’t about to declare defeat and bring the troops home. Oh sure, there will be a difference between the warrior woman and the crazed former POW warrior, but both of the will SHOOT first and ask questions later.

McCain and Clinton are both nuts but we all pretend not to notice. Just as we pretend that GWB isn’t stupid and nuts. LOOK OVER THERE! Obama’s pastor is NUTS. Obama’s BLACK. (Even if his momma was white.) For a few years he had a MUSLIM stepfather. That’s the important stuff. Irrelevant, and therefore to be ignored, is that he’s smart. Really smart. If you like him because he’s unflappable, you’re told that he’s too passionless. Too passionless to cheat on his wife. (Have you noticed that his wife is BLACK?) Good gracious, neither Obama has screwed around on a spouse. What would we do with someone in the Oval Office that doesn’t have a big closet of skeletons that the media can rummage through for the next four years? We like our Presidents to use public funds to build a vault for their closet and watch the media safecrackers try to bust into it.

We LIKE the STUPID STUFF. Manufactured stupid stuff is better than real stupid stuff. Gore was crazy because he claimed credit for having invented the internet. (Who cares that the never said or claimed that.) Kerry only got a scratch in Vietnam and faked an injury to get a Purple Heart. (Who cares that GWB was too busy sucking up booze and coke to fulfill his National Guard obligation and declined to serve in Vietnam.) GWB is BOLD and talks to god. GWB didn’t cheat on his wife. (Important because Gore was VP for a man who cheated on his wife.) Hillary is smart. (Who cares that she makes stupid decisions.) McCain is a maverick. (Who cares if he doesn't walk the talk.) But you better be very suspicious of the Barack guy because nobody is really that smart and cool. Why he wouldn't even start a war over non-existent nukes in Iran. Better go with McCain or Clinton because they've demonstrated that they will happily spill American blood and treasure to chase phantom weapons in the hands of phantom enemies. That's the stupid stuff we care about.

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